What Are They Afraid Of?
We vegans have all met people who take our veganism personally. They become defensive when we mention that we don’t eat meat or use any animal products. Some might go directly to the attack: “You think you’re saving the world?” or “Well I’m never going to stop eating meat”. This last spoken as a challenge.
I have often asked what’s the deal here? All I said was I don’t eat meat. I didn’t ask them what they ate or didn’t eat, I didn’t challenge anyone to a duel. What if I had said “I don’t eat mustard”? Would the reaction be the same? Why not?
There are others who are not defensive at all. I usually tell people I am not an evangelist, I am not trying to convert anyone (I might be lying a little when I say this). Several people I know take me at my word. And stop there. They will tell me of meals they have had that they loved, they will gush over the fish they are eating when we eat out together, they will be protective of my position (”Can you get anything to eat here?”) but at the same time essentially oblivious to it.
The first group, the angry group, actually understands more. They know that what I am really is a challenge to what they are. The second group hasn’t gotten there yet. The second group, in my case, contains close family members and friends, people who love me. I think I have a better chance, down the line, reaching this close group, but for now it is deeply frustrating knowing that they don’t get me at all.
That’s an interesting way of looking at it. Usually I’m more perturbed with the first group but come to think of it, it’s the second group that really creeps me out because they don’t seem to notice anything intrinsically important about veganism.
Exactly! As if you said you are following the latest diet craze.
I prefer to dine with the second group because I really don’t like evangelizing during dinner. I’d rather just eat my meal and have pleasant conversation. I appreciate people who just accept me as I am and don’t take offense.
But I agree that the ones who are most accepting are often the ones who aren’t thinking. They’ve either done their thinking and decided that their tastebuds are more important than animal lives or they haven’t done their thinking at all.
Either way, they’re not much of an ally to animals, though they can often be an ally to vegans. The ones who are “protective” are often the most vocal at the restaurants and will ask waiters for me, “What’s vegan on the menu?” which can be helpful.
There is no doubt I prefer to be with friends and family and not in the middle of some kind of challenge. It has bothered me, though, that they are not bothered.
Sometimes I wonder if people respond to defensively because deep inside they know vegans are eating ethically and we don’t feel bad about our food choices! Maybe they feel a little guilty about the animals that die because of their omnivorous diets?
I am sure that is the case, Meghan-Rose. Somewhere inside them is a feeling of guilt and they attack us to get rid of that feeling. That’s my take, anyway.
I’ve come to the same conclusion myself… though, it’s a weird way to deal with a problem - somewhat foreign to me. I mean, I can’t imagine getting mad and defensive without noticing that it’s because of an internal conflict. Oh well…