Strategies For Dealing With Non-Vegans
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Even vegans who isolate themselves from non-vegans, who only interact with other vegans, still encounter the occasional non-vegan through work, family, or simply living in society. It would be nice if veganism were accepted in mainstream society, but sadly vegans are still a bit of a marginalized group.
Some vegans are willing to step up and speak their truth and promote the cause. Most others would rather just live their lives without having to deal with the non-vegans who think vegans are freaks, extreme, obnoxious, psychotic, violent or anything else. But even merely saying, “I’m vegan” will get you into hot water in some situations.
Here are some strategies for dealing with non-vegans and anti-vegans if you want to maintain friendships or if you simply want to avoid conflicts.
- Be over-the-top polite and nice
- Say you’re vegan for health or environmental reasons (don’t confess that it’s also for animal rights)
- Use avoidance techniques: change the subject, ignore anti-vegan comments, make a joke, etc.
- Don’t bring it up; let others start the conversation about veganism, then only chime in if they sound open to veganism
- Say “vegetarian,” “plant-based diet,” “plant strong,” “raw,” “starch-based” or some other word to describe your diet instead of “vegan” (That’s more truthful anyway since there is no singular “vegan diet”)
- Say you have an allergy or that you’re lactose-intolerant (if you’ve been vegan for a few years, you might actually be lactose intolerant anyway. And regarding allergies, well you might not go into anaphylactic shock if you eat meat, but you’ll likely have some negative physical reaction.)
- Think of non-vegans like they’re children or animals who have bad habits, but not bad hearts
That said, these are strategies for maintaining the peace, not necessarily strategies for making a difference for animals. These strategies quell the conflict, but may or may not be the most effective at creating new vegans or advocating for animals. It all depends on the situation.
For example, being “over-the-top polite” is often a good method and works well in most situations, but sometimes that means people won’t pay serious attention to the issue. The fact is, animal exploitation is NOT nice and won’t ever be. Exposing people to the truth will shock and hurt them. The blow can be eased with a smile or a hug, but being honest with people isn’t always polite.
These strategies are great for self-preservation, living as a vegan in a non-vegan world. But if you get serious about advocating for animals (and not just for yourself), you have to stick your head out and take some more of the heat.
What do you think? Are there strategies you employ in work situations or family get-togethers that help you get along with non-vegans?
I disagree with you. No vegan should ever have to “play nice” or apologize about being vegan. Vegans should be proud of who they are and what they are doing for animals. So don’t say it’s just for health or the environment, don’t call yourself a vegetarian instead of a vegan, and don’t lie about having an allergy. The only way veganism will ever be taken seriously is if people learn what veganism is about. Animal rights is a social cause just like any other: the women’s rights movement and the civil rights movement. If activists of either of those causes had been apologetic nothing would’ve gotten done. We’re well on our way to a more vegan-friendly world, it’s just going to take time.
It isn’t hard to get along with non-vegans. I didn’t meet another vegan until the second semester of my freshman year of college. Almost everyone I know eats meat. If someone is not willing to accept your lifestyle, then instead of trying to make things work, just forget about them. The best thing to do is just be honest about who you are, even if there are non-vegans who will ridicule you. I’ve realized that most people don’t mean to be stand-offish about my veganism, they’re just curious, especially if I’m the first vegan I’ve ever met.
~ Recent blog post: Update, News ~
With all due respect, Karmalily, some vegans are truly just vegan as a personal choice, not for animal rights reasons. They value animals’ lives and feel a duty to treat animals with respect, but they have no interest in participating in a social movement to grant animals rights.
This post is for those people, mostly, but it’s also for people who are “in the closet” about their veganism or who deal with hostile non-vegans on a regular basis.
I think most feminists can understand women who choose not to express their feminism for purposes of self-preservation. Most LGBTQ people can understand those who choose not to express their identities in hostile situations. The vegan who chooses to conceal his or her veganism is in some ways similar. No one HAS to “come out” as vegan unless or until they’re ready.
Let me give you an example: When I first tried to go vegan, I was 13. The reaction from other kids was negative: they teased me and ruined my food by putting nonvegan stuff in it and socially isolated me. The pressure felt like too much and so I gave up veganism and went back to vegetarianism, still isolating but not nearly as much. Now, as an adult, I certainly feel it’s better to be upfront and honest about who I am and what I believe, but the 13-year-old me did not. And that 13-year-old would have had a better experience as a vegan had she understood how to interact with hostile non-vegans.
PS – updated to add:
(if you’ve been vegan for a few years, you might actually be lactose intolerant anyway. And regarding allergies, well you might not go into anaphylactic shock if you eat meat, but you’ll likely have some negative physical reaction.)
no!
stand up for what you believe in, spread the love of animal rights. im vegan and f-cking pround
Hmmm. Guess I should have clarified that these are all just options that you can choose or ignore.
But I’m curious why your focus is on this option: “Say you have an allergy or that you’re lactose-intolerant” rather than this option: “Think of non-vegans like they’re children or animals who have bad habits, but not bad hearts”.
Thoughts?
I don’t doubt that some vegans choose their lifestyles for a reason other than animal rights. I was mainly referring to the second point you made, that you shouldn’t “confess that it’s also for animal rights.” If someone is vegan for animal rights reason, there is no reason they should hide that.
Standing up for your principles, even when you’re young, just makes you a stronger person. And I understand how you felt – I went vegetarian in high school while living in a town whose motto was “A Sportsman’s Paradise.” Everyone in my family and everyone I knew ate meat, hunted, fished. People teased me, and my grandmother even put meat into my “vegetarian lasagna” once. But standing up to those people and not letting it bother me made me a stronger person. I wouldn’t be able to say the same if I had felt the need to change my behavior based how other people felt about veg*nism.
Karmalily,
I think we’re miscommunicating.
The post is a list of options, some are incompatible with others. And I’m not suggesting that we *should* use any of these options. In fact, I said
It sounds like everyone here is actually on the same page, that if you are ready you should be upfront about the animal rights reasons for your veganism. I agree with Eccentric, though, that sometimes we are simply not quite there.
I have never actually hidden my veganism or pretended my reasons were otherwise, but then I didn’t go vegetarian until I was 36 (almost 37) and didn’t go vegan until I was 61, so I have a few life experiences behind me.
And yet I am not excited about conflict and I do avoid it. I tend to say that I eat a plant-based diet simply because that’s accurate and I feel it can bring more people in, has the effect of reaching out, in a way. I feel people are less defensive when I say this. Then if they ask the next question, why?, I say straight out that my main reason is for the animals. But that I’ve learned it’s great for my health as well.
Some people will never get to the animal side. But if we can bring them over for health the result is the same.
I think any strategy that helps people become more comfortable with the idea of becoming vegan and/or the vegan lifestyle only has a positive influence on the issues that we all care about. One less person eating meat or dairy, whether they proudly declare their veganism or are demure about it is still less animals being killed and mistreated and less damage to our environment. Even the demure vegan will make an impact because people who are close to them will notice their choices and begin to question their own. Personally, I adapt my attitude/responses depending on the situation. I am much more outspoken in social circumstances then I am in my work environment. In my work I take a lot of different people out to lunch and more often then not my only vegan option is a salad. Sometimes this raises a question, some times it does not. If it does I usually respond by saying simply that I don’t eat meat or dairy and I’ve yet to have anyone ask me why and I don’t provide a reason. I just don’t feel it is appropriate in this circumstance to tell them about the horrors of the meat and dairy industries – and it isn’t going to accomplish my goal for the lunch which is to form business relationships!
I completely disagree. I’m a vegan, not a vegetarian or a plant-based-dieter. And I’m doing it for animal rights reasons; health and environmental reasons come second. I’m not going to lie about it to anyone just to stay out of trouble, and I hope no one else does either. And yes I recognize that some vegans aren’t in it for animal rights–I’m not talking about them. They can say whatever they want. But if you care about animal rights, you should speak up, not act like you’re ashamed to live according to your principles. If we want veganism to become mainstream, we have to be extremely polite, yes, but also extremely vocal and visible.
I suppose I shouldn’t have expected good reactions from this post since whoever it’s intended for won’t chime in anyway… eh, oh well.
I agree with what the other Tracie said:
“I think any strategy that helps people become more comfortable with the idea of becoming vegan and/or the vegan lifestyle only has a positive influence on the issues that we all care about. One less person eating meat or dairy, whether they proudly declare their veganism or are demure about it is still less animals being killed and mistreated and less damage to our environment.”
People do become vegan for different reasons and not every vegan is an animal rights activist. I, personally, tailor my reactions to the situation that I’m in. By making people feel that being vegan isn’t hard and that we’re not part of some creepy cult, I think it has a much greater impact. If we come off as all holier than thou and think we’re because we don’t eat or wear animal products or try to shove our beliefs down peoples throats, I think that it definitely has an adverse affect.
I’m much more willing to talk to someone about something (race, religion, politics, etc.) if they’re willing to discuss it in a mature manner and not shove their opinions down my throat rather than if they insisted that they’re opinion is the only one that was right and that I was stupid for thinking the way I did. That won’t win anyone over.
There is a way to be a proud vegan but also respect the people that you’re with as well. You have to give respect to get respect.
I would say a little bit of both is good. I am so poud of being a vegan but I try not to push it in places for instance, at work. The people I work with are great and I have many other things in common with them except for veganism. I will joke around with them a little bit but I think its best to just not say anything to them. When they bring up their husband is going fishing or hunting, I just ignore it. There is a time and a place to say certain things and I know that saying my opinions to these people will not change anything. I was told recently that many of my non-vegans friends say I make them uncomfortable when I talk about issues also. So I have learned to suck it up and only talk crap around my vegan friends. I can’t NOT be friends with someone just because they are NOT vegan. But I do other things to help educate people by tableing a lot at festivals. This way I get to help the people who are really in need of some answers. They come to me for them. It makes me feel great and I know I’m educating the people who need that little push or motivation. Anyway, this might be a little off topic but I want everyone to know that there can always be a medium and sometimes there are situaions when you need to hold your tongue and then go to your vegan friends later to bitch about it. A preacher once went to a festival called Hash Bash in Ann Arbor, MI and tried to preach the gospel. All this did was cause outrage, negativity, and a lot of hate. Do you think he changed any of these pot smokers minds? Not likely. he’s lucky he didn’t get his ass kicked. Again, there is a time and a place for stating opinions.
Regarding the idea that some people go vegan for reasons other than animal rights or welfare – If someone is vegan and doesn’t care about the extreme suffering of animals then I find it difficult to care about the slight discomfort they may experience when talking to non-vegans about their dietary choices. Let them fend for themselves.
Fortunately, I think most vegans DO care about the suffering of animals and we should never apologize for that. We will never become a society which accepts vegans as long as we stay in the closet about what we are about. Be polite, don’t be dogmatic, but DO speak up when the situation calls for it – and be honest.
Like other commentors, I found the advice in this post a little hard to swallow. I took the liberty of ammending some EC’s tips below:
1. Be over-the-top polite and nice. People are more likely to respect and immulate people who are nice to them.
2. Say you’re vegan for health or environmental reasons, but always remember to say it is for the animals too. Always, always, always talk about the effect of eating habits on animals. We’ll never get to animal liberation if the only people adopting a vegan diet are doing so for selfish reasons. And always, when someone asks why you’re a vegan, explain it to them, even if the situation requires brevity.
3. Develop a sense of humor. Let hateful, disresectful comments slide off your back and remember that even the people who seem the most unreachable may come around if you keep your cool and always explain your position honestly and politely.
4. Wear a vegan shirt or hat or button, then let others start the conversation about veganism. People are more likely to listen to what you have to say about veganism and will be less defensive if they were the ones who brought it up.
5. Use the word “vegan” as much as you can so that eventually people become familiar with the word and stop being afraid of it or misunderstanding what it means. I find it useful to define veganism in terms of what we do eat or what we do instead of what we don’t eat or don’t do. For example: Vegans choose veggie burgers, soy milk and other animal-friendly alternatives to meat, milk and eggs.
6. Never say you have an allergy or that you’re lactose-intolerant (unless you are, but then also say you care about animals too). By making veganism seem like your own personal health problem you reinforce the idea that it is not normal or natural and that it doesn’t have anything to do with the suffering of animals.
7. Think of non-vegans like they’re children or animals who have bad habits, but not bad hearts. It’s hard to become upset with children when they do stupid things because they don’t know any better. Most people eat animals because they don’t know any better. Understanding this helps make life a little easier for those of us in the know.
Great advice, Matt. It’s important for us to be proud of who we are and outspoken about our reasons for it.
We do need to be polite (generally) and to be sensitive to when is or isn’t a good time to bring things up, but I totally disagree with walking on eggshells to the point of being dishonest.
I have to disagree with you, Matt, on point six.
For starters, never say never. People who depend on the kindness of others to meet their basic needs – people like children and teens, people in hospitals or prisons, people in assisted living situations, etc. – are at the mercy of others in order to obtain vegan food. If those care-givers don’t understand or accept veganism, the vegans who are “outspoken and proud” will be vegans who suffer. Should every vegan be willing to go on hunger strikes just to satisfy your desire that vegans stand up and be proud?
Next, lactose intolerance is not a “health problem.” It’s our society’s dairy-diet that assumes it is. The majority of humans are lactose intolerant and most vegans, unless they have the genetic mutation the prevents the shut-off of lactase, will become lactose intolerant after they’ve been vegan for a while. So… it’s not lying to say you’re lactose intolerant if there’s a high chance that you really are.
Third, giving restaurants or school cafeterias health reasons to provide non-animal options helps them focus on changing habits, which are more important than changing minds. Think of it this way: would you rather have a society that thinks veganism is a good thing, but doesn’t act on it or a society that acts like a bunch of vegans, but doesn’t think that way? (They aren’t mutually exclusive, but there’s good reason to focus on habits more than mindsets.)
Now, regarding your earlier point where you said, “If someone is vegan and doesn’t care about the extreme suffering of animals then I find it difficult to care about the slight discomfort they may experience when talking to non-vegans about their dietary choices. Let them fend for themselves.”
I care about those people, but more importantly, I care about their habits more than I care about their mindsets. I don’t care why they act like vegans, I just want MORE people to act like vegans. Who cares why they avoid eating animal flesh and secretions? Who cares why they avoid wearing animal skins? I don’t. If we help make it easier for ALL kinds of people to act like vegans, we foster a vegan world.
I think I understand where you are coming from EC, but I also think you are getting a little carried away in your last comment. My point is that people shouldn’t be afraid to say the reason they are vegan is because they care about animals.
If you are lactose intolerant and say so to ensure you don’t get served something that will make you sick then by all means say you are lactose intolerant. But does it hurt to mention you also care about animals? If you are saying you are lactose intolerant as a way to avoid having to be honest about caring about animals then I think you are doing the animals you profess to care about a huge disservice.
I realize being lactose intolerant is not a health problem, but since many Americans are not lactose intolerant (or at least don’t have immediate and severe symptoms of lactose intolerance) they are not likely to realize that your decision to avoid dairy might be something they should consider too. Instead, they will think you have some strange health problem with only concerns you, not them – and certainly not the animals.
I’m sure if we all thought about it long enough we could all come up with rare hypothetical instances in which hiding or being dishonest about our reasons for veganism would be appropriate. When the Fascists take over (more than now) and we vegans are hiding in attics from death squads (like European Jews in WWII) then I can respect your decision not to mention the fact that you are vegan. But in a society where free speech is protected (for the most part) and you are not in any danger for admitting you are vegan because you care about animals – why lie about it? Is a person’s momentary and slight discomfort at being ridiculed by a few cruel idiots really significant enough to justify keeping the very real and physical suffering that animals are forced to endure in the closet? I don’t think so.
Your blog post seemed to be general advice for all vegans about how to deal with non-vegans. It didn’t seem like specific advice for some hospital patient whose doctors are secretly injecting her with cows milk.
Finally, I agree that it is great when people don’t eat or wear animals for whatever reasons. But being vegan, by definition, is about caring for animals, people and the environment. I don’t like the idea of promoting the idea that caring about someone other than yourself is something of which to be ashamed or dishonest.
I’m sorry, but you’re not vegan if you do not care about animal rights. Period. Saying you’re “vegan” only for health reasons would be a complete misappropriation of veganism, if not a flat out lie.
There is animal HOLOCAUST, so just shut up and dont publish stupid things like that. We should fight for the life not be polite. We could LIE for good cause, but not lie to defend ourselves. Animal liberation now! I don’t need friends who HATE animals.